I am so happy for my friends who got married. So happy that they found love. And they have something, someone in life to live for. But I find it sad that they are changing themselves for another human being.

One of my friends just got married and I am so happy for her. But she can't go out anymore with us. She can't go crazy like she used to. She has to ask permission all the time. She has to change herself to be what he wants her to be.

I am selfish. No, maybe my priorities are just different.

Right now, marriage (to me) sounds like a death sentence. No, don't call me a selfish bitch yet, although I am one. But I just cannot imagine changing myself for a man who will not change himself for me.

I'm not saying that all men or all couples are like that. But this is based on personal experience.

I was in a relationship for 3 years and I gave up everything for him. Friends, hobbies, time... I lived my life through him and he took me for granted. Like I was born to do that for him. Acted like I was an annoying piece of flesh and never appreciated that I am arranging my life according to his schedule and taking up all his interests and hobbies to ensure that there will be no rift in the relationship.

Of course he kept hurting me and fighting because of small things. Allowed his friends to come in between us. Talked to me like I am a piece of shit. Searched for sexy girls on the net and chatted with them until I found out by accident - and then he had the audacity to say "It's only internet and I will never change myself for you". Refused to sms to tell me where he was going and making it such a big matter that he would leave for weeks, leaving me to be sleepless, appetite-less and tired for one or two weeks before he came back and acted like nothing happened.

One day, after more than 10 times of him leaving, I decided I cannot take it anymore and I just left. I realised that that was the best decision I have ever made. I made new friends, went out more, had real fun, laughed and ensured that I am not wasting my youth.

One month later, he came begging to me to take him back. He actually said that he will be the best boyfriend ever, that he will never leave my side, he will always inform me where he is (like I used to for him), will stop looking for girls on the net, will stop shouting at me, will stop his friends from bad mouthing me.

He said "I used to think that the only way to handle you is to shout at you and treat you like shit. But I am wrong,"

HANDLE me? Like I am an animal.

He then said that I should stop having fun with the girls, stop going clubbing and just do activities that we both can do. And only see my friends when he is busy. -_-

A month ago I would have jumped for joy and said yes. Luckily for me, I have learnt my lesson and I said no.

He left for good. And the proceeded to go around bad-mouthing me and saying that I cheated on him. Because he has the face of an angel, and never showed his bad side to his friends, all his friends believed him. I don't care anyway.

I love my freedom now. I love that I can do whatever I want, anytime and anywhere without worrying what the other person will think.

I love that I can get up at 1am and go out with a friend without having nervous butterflies in my stomach and worrying if he might get mad. I love that I can wear anything I fancy. I love that I can go clubbing and dancing without worrying that he might blow up and shout and call me names for trying to have fun. I love that I can pack up and go to the East Coast for a little trip to the beach with anyone when before I cannot go anywhere until he said that he could come too.

I just love that I just don't give a damn anymore. I just love my freedom. And to give it all up for another person right now, who isn't even family, would just kill me.

I still have a small space in my heart for the old him. The one that I first met and fell in love with. But that's it. Nothing more.

Right now, I just want to enjoy my freedom.

Maybe one day I will learn not to be so selfish anymore and learn to find the joy that comes from loving and sacrifising yourself for another human being.

I have the utmost respect for all the married women out there who worked so hard to have their marriage work. I know at this moment, I cannot even come close to what they have achieved, cannot even imagine how hard and wonderful marriage could be when I cannot even handle a relationship.

Here's to all the wonderful wives of the world. Maybe one day I can try to be where you are.