WAHEI!

Aku dah lama tak hapdet dow.... And why? Cos some people have to WORK and make money... OK? Bukan segala-galanya manusia alam ni boley duk bawah ketiak mak bapak tumpang satu rumah sampai tua bangka anak tiga harapkan kaseh sayang mak nak suap nasik jer tau....

And then dah la penat nak mampos, hari hari drive 45 menet dari umah ke opis, dari opis ke umah. Pastu bila kat hopis, lari ke hulu hilir sebuk nak habiskan keje sampai tetiba EH! dah malam!?

Ada lah sesetengah kekanak ribena ni kan, hari tu masa I kena handle 2 events in 2 states in one day by myself tu kan, punya la lama nak prepare, punya la stress kan, nak prepare, oh my god bukannya korang paham, so by the time the event was over, I WAS SO THANKFUL and I drove back home and member aku masa tu (sekarang dia dah bukan member lagi dah, sebab kebodohannya ternyata terselah), dia pown seorang kanak2 ribena gak.

Jadi aku pun terus proceed tido selama TIGA BELAS JAM sebab penat dari stress kerja ni, cik cik adik yang berlagak bijak pandai dengan 30A1 semua taik apa benda, sebenarnya is not only draining physically. It is also mentally and emotionally.

Ini lah sebab nye, masa college dulu, you all penat chamana pown, boleh lagi keluar clubbing boley lagi bangun awal. Time kerja, by the time dah sampai umah tu, thank God jer lah ye, and terus berdengkur. Bukannya aku nak kata masa college tu you all takde akal, tapi, masa college tu, you will be receiving input and you don't have to think and 'brainstorm' and focus and do tiga juta benda sekali and concentrate 24/7 or risk getting reprimanded by your boss!

Eh jangan nak argue la ok, aku tau la I went to college before and I am wokring now for the 6th year!

Melainkan awak kerja gomen. Then lain lah ok.

Corporate Communications lain. Ok.

So kawan aku yang bebudak ribena tu kan, esok hari nya dia kata kat aku, "Jom gi clubbing". Then I say "aku tak larat. masih penat from stress events tu"... And this kanak2 bodo ni kata "EH COME ON LA. YOU SLEPT FOR 13 HOURS ALREADY OK!"

EH!

SUKAHATI MAK BAPAK AKU LA KAN AKU NAK TIDO 2345 JAM KE, NAK MATI KE NAK TERGOLEK KE, NAK TUNGGAN LANGGANG KE! KO KANAK2 RIBENA BARU 21 TAHUN KO PAHAM KE KEPENATAN WAKTU KEJE??!!

Pastu kan, ada harti nak ADVISE aku ni. Dia kata "I have class also from 10-2 everyday and I am ok!!!

Kena la dia dgn bisa aku yang amat menyakiti ini... Bodo punya manusia. At least ngko boley bangun kul 9. Ko jalan ke college. Bukan mcm kitorang semua kene beratur dalam jam nak masuk opis seblom kul 9 kalau tak kena maki hamun dgn bos!

At least ngko kalau mengantuk dalam kelas boley tido! Aku, nak pegi TOILET pun takde time ni gak nak try tido!? Last last kena buang keje kang! Sapa nak bayar bill rumah, bill kereta?

At least ngko boleh balek kul 2 petang. Kitorang ni? Habis konon kul 6pm. Tapi dengan kerja yang bertimbun timbun nampak nya keluar pukul 8 lah ni.... At least tak sangkut kat jam.

Ada plak jenis kanak2 ribena yang nak paksa paksa kita keluar lepas waktu keje, walaupun kita dah bagi tau dia kita penat, dan belakang semua sakit2 from stress. Ni lah dia akibat berkawan dgn kekanak yang minum jus bodow.

Sebenarnya I am PMSing and aku tengah benci dengan semua kanak2 ribena yang tak paham the horrors of working life. Pastu self-righteous nak ajar kitorang yang dah bertahun dah kerja. Pegi mampos la wei.

Go f*ck yourself with a showerhead. Or a double-headed d1ld0. Hahahahahahah.....

Btw - I have been so busy at work that I had to give my dog back. And that broke my heart. Try to imagine being so busy that you have no time even for yourself, and you had to give up the one thing you loved the most in this world. That is usually, the working scene in KL.

End.

I HATE MEN.

YES.

ALL OF THEM*

AND YES ALL OF YOU ARE ALL THE SAME.

BALLESS AND SPINELESS.

NONE KNOW THE MEANING OF NOBILITY OR COURAGE, TRUTH OR HONESTY.

GO AHEAD AND WHINE AND CALL ME A BITCH (COS I AM) AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. IT WON'T FUCKING CHANGE MY MIND.

ASSHOLES.

*Except for those select few who have gained my trust and become long-term friends and/or my family members.

I hate this city.

I hate my mind.

I hate how its screwing me over and making me so lost inside.

I am so angry.

But so sad at the same time.

I wanna fight. But I also want to be held.

Kissed, pampered, loved, held high.

You want to help me? Leave me alone. Spare me from the inevitable end of me hating myself more.

I don't know who to blame.

I don't know if its just me or everyone else.

The voices in my head won't stop. The bottle appears to numb the pain.

I guess it is my fault. For holding on to everything that ever come into contact with me.

Thats not normal.

Right?

So what is normal?

Being close to someone and leaving them when you get bored? Is that normal?

Looking to be with someone only for physical satisfaction. Is that normal?

I guess one normal part of me still exists. The part that lets me know what the end would be like.

But the crazy twisted warped part says GO, cos we like it. Cos we sadistic. Cos we enjoy the hurt and the pain that comes with it.

So what the fuck do I do now.